After working for many years, I recently went back to college to earn a degree through evening classes. Between work, studying, and writing papers, I have no personal life. What's worse is a few colleagues give me a hard time about my lack of work/life balance. I'm starting to feel really down on myself. Will this feeling ever end?
- Ruthanne, Fairfax, VA

I have been working hard at my current job for quite sometime. I have been improving myself and I know my current job inside and out. In fact, I could do it in my sleep at this point. I want to do something different. I know I could do more and get paid more if I got the chance to show what I can do. Any suggestions how I can get this opportunity?
- Cory, Riverside, CA

My manager offered me my friend’s job and requested I not discuss it with her or anyone else. But I’ve seen no evidence of poor performance on my friend’s part. How should I proceed?
- Karrina M.

A The Secret: Enjoy Your Journey As You Go

First of all, congratulations! Working full-time while pursuing a college degree is definitely not easy and you are to be commended. It's quite an achievement that you've put your desires into action. Your extra effort will pay off for you in the long run. However, it's true that the journey can be a challenge. I've found that people who have the most success in taking on added challenges have three things in common:

1. They make the effort to plan each day in detail.
In addition to planning class time, study time, family time, and work time, they plan time for themselves—time to take a break, to be on their own, or to be engaged and enjoy an activity.
2. They adopt a winning attitude.
To fight the drudgery that long hours and hard work can create, successful people regularly remind themselves about their goal and why they are working toward achieving it. They focus on the positive rewards and achievements along the way—not just what's at the end of the line. It's not just your diploma that counts as an achievement; each lesson learned counts, too!
3. They do not allow others to define their life goals.
Other people's values are not your own. Why let them define what is important to you? Perhaps, for them, their time at home at night with their family is paramount. Perhaps for you, knowing that by studying at night you are improving your future for you and your family takes precedence. The truth is it's your life, not theirs. They are in no position to tell you what will make you truly happy.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. But you don't have to hold your breath until you get there. To help you enjoy life as you live it, try these effective tips:

•Set aside a little time each day just for you, even it it's 15 - 30 minutes. Use the time to do something you enjoy; exercise, relax, meditate, and leave the world of work and school completely behind.

•Keep a list of your classes and cross them off as you complete them. Then be sure to celebrate in some way after completing each class - it will give you something to look forward to and help motivate you.

•Don't act as your colleagues are acting and judge other people's lives. Let them live their choices. Be supportive of them and be proud of yourself for living yours.

•When your cohorts "give you a bad time" about not having a life balance, ensure them you are taking care of yourself and turn the tables: ask them how they balance life vs. work responsibilities. By changing the dynamic into a discussion, you'll always leave a conversation learning more.

•Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Try to stay positive; set aside some personal time each day, and make the time to keep laughter in your life.

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A First Things First—Define Your Career Aspirations

I like to think that each job I have is merely a stepping-stone to a higher career aspiration. What's your career aspiration? Do you have a defined goal, or series of goals you are currently working toward? If you don't, it might be why you're feeling like your job is at a dead end.

I'm not sure how long you've been in your current position, but that can also have an impact on how you feel. Often, we can start to feel stalled and even “trapped” when we aren't learning or growing any more in our job. In other words, you might have outgrown your job, just like we outgrow clothing as we grow up.

Before doing anything rash (like quitting your job), take time to explore your career aspirations. One great way to explore your “self” (your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, and your desires) to get to the point where you can define your aspirations clearly and succinctly is to complete the exercises in my book Your Career, Your Way: Personal Strategies to Achieve Your Career Aspirations.

The exercises I’ve designed help individuals take account of their strengths and weaknesses, walk you through a process to explore and define your aspirations, and then help you to determine a step-by-step plan on how you can achieve them.

You very well may be in the wrong field. Or you may simply need a new position within your field where you can apply what you know while learning new skills. By defining your ambitions and aspirations first, you can then determine whether to look for a new position within your company, within your field, or to take steps to complete a career change altogether. No matter which course you map out, the best time to look for a new job is when you already have one.

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A Create an "Work Emergency Kit"
My motto has always been the old saying, "hope for the best, but plan for the worst." In a drawer in my desk you will find an emergency kit with the following items: extra nylons/pantyhose, comb, brush, hairspray, make-up compact, lipstick, toothbrush and toothpaste, dental floss, mirror, safety pins, hair clips, Band-Aids, antacid, headache pain reliever medicine, and nasal decongestant medicine. Try creating your own emergency kit and see if it helps.

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A Create a Plan: Where Do You Want to Take Your Career?

It sounds like you've applied yourself whole-heartedly to your current job and learned everything you can about it. Good for you! Now, have you sat down and thought through your career plan? To learn how to best create your own “road map” to your future, try reading my book, Your Career, Your Way: Personal Strategies to Achieve Your Career Aspirations. It takes you step-by-step through an effective process to define your career aspirations and build a plan to reach them. Here are some initial ideas to get you started (but read my book to get the full story):

•Sit down with your manager to discuss your career, development, and training opportunities within the company, and how your manager could support you in your career development plan.

•Consider meeting with your HR representative and asking for help in career planning and identifying opportunities for advancement and training.

•Consider hiring an executive coach. An executive coach can help you achieve your career aspirations in the shortest amount of time and in the most direct route. Almost all athletes utilize coaches to help them achieve their sports aspirations. It would be almost unheard of for a world-class athlete to make it to that level without the help of dedicated and passionate coaches along the way. The same concept applies to the working world.

•Alternatively, you could seek out someone you admire and look to as a role model within your organization and see if they would be willing to share some of their own experiences with you. Mentors are valuable resources who can help you steer your career where you want it to go.

Many people tend to move from one job to the next only when and if it’s offered to them. Don’t wait for life to happen; take action to create the life you want. You are in charge of your destiny and can take steps to create opportunities. Think of it this way: if you're planning to take a road trip, one of the most valuable tools to acquire is a map. Once you know your destination, you can then simply “map out” the best route to get you there. By developing a strategic career plan, you can define your career aspiration, then work backward from that goal to determine what you will need to do to get there.

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A Sometimes, Perception Is Not Reality
As my Father always told me throughout my life in regard to difficult situations, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. The professional approach would be for you to meet in private with your manager.

•Begin by telling him you greatly appreciate his confidence and support in your skills and abilities. Let him know you prefer he work through the employee issue and then post the open position, at which time you would be happy to apply for and interview for the job.

•Explain that you would feel much more comfortable if he posts the open position and then you “throw your hat into the ring” and submit yourself as a candidate for the job. Tell him if he decides you are truly the best candidate for the job, then you will happily accept the position.

•Let him know you believe this approach will also help alleviate any potential office issues and will show the others in the company that your manager isn't “playing favorites.” Also let him know you would be happy to help out during the transition, while he is interviewing, to ensure things run smoothly and efficiently.

•Do not discuss the situation with your friend at work – your manager may actually be testing you to see if you break a confidence, and then have reason to dismiss you from your job. Further, telling your friend will only cause friction between the two of you, she could very well become so angry that she tells others at work about the situation and everything will spiral downward from there.

Here are some things for you to think about. As a manager, you should NEVER, EVER discuss any kind of employee/personnel issues with subordinates. Not only is it highly unprofessional, but I've seen
managers fired over such indiscretions. The appropriate professional protocol would be for your manager to document the other employee's poor performance, discuss the performance issues directly with her
(confidentially or with HR participating in the meeting) and create a mutually agreed upon plan with a time frame for her to improve – that she then signs and dates in acknowledgement. If the employee does not improve within the timeframe and complete the agreed upon actions/deliverables, then your manager is justified in letting her go.

Keep in mind that the performance you are seeing from your friend may not be the performance your manager is seeing. Until you have someone reporting directly to you, you cannot as easily judge their performance. I once had an employee everyone loved. He had a great personality, great ideas, and was very charismatic and outgoing. The problem was, he couldn't complete projects and could literally get nothing accomplished on time. It was the old saying of “heap big talk, heap little action.” As his manager, I saw these things whereas others didn't see them – they were literally blinded by his expressive personality. I followed protocol and documented every issue, put him on a 90 day performance improvement plan (with full knowledge and consent of HR), and when his performance still didn't improve after the 90 days were over, I let him go from the company. I was seen by several individuals as the “bad guy” because I fired him, but it was fully justified. Sometimes, perception isn't always reality.

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